Crisis
by gwendolineB
Summary: Liz makes an important decision without asking Red, which leads to difficulties in their relationship. Lizzington, oneshot, rated T.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own The Blacklist and I don't make money with fanfiction.**

_**Summary: Lizzie makes an important decision without asking Red, which leads to difficulties in their relationship. **_

**Oneshot! Lizzington, rated T. **

**Please read and review!**

**xxxxx**

Red and Liz had been a couple for a few months now; there were problems and fights sometimes, but actually, they were happier than any other couple. Until Monday, when Red came home late at night. Liz was asleep already, but looked like she had been crying. He lay down next to her and lay an arm around her shoulder, but she moved to the edge of the bed and pushed his arm away. Apparently, she wasn't as asleep as he thought...

"What's going on, sweetheart?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Lizzie. I know something's off."

"No, let me sleep."

"And why don't you let me hug you? We never sleep without cuddling into each other. I may be a cold blooded criminal sometimes, but I won't leave you like this."

"Ray, it's nothing, I'm just...never mind, goodnight."

Liz pulled the blanket over her ears and pretended not to hear him. Red slipped his hand under her blanket and stroked over her arm, but she jerked away, he tickled her waist, she pushed his hand away and scratched her waist to get rid of the sensation his fingers caused on her skin, he caressed her hip, she pushed it away again. Well, at least she pressed her thighs together, his hand on her hip always had an effect on her. Something was wrong here, Red just didn't know what.

Later, he heard her cry very silently, she didn't want him to hear her. He decided not to touch her again, it was obvious that she wanted to be alone.

The next morning, she was already at work when he woke up.

It was a whole week like this: she didn't let him touch her and refused to tell him what was wrong. At work, she seemed normal, but as soon as the two of them were alone, she was cold and withdrawn. She kept telling him everything was ok and that he shouldn't worry about her. He hated to lie in bed with her and not being allowed to touch her, to comfort her. She was crying at night, but the one time he had brought that up the next morning, she had played it down and told him he should leave her alone. Last night, she had slept on the couch. He begged her to talk to him, to tell him what was going on, but Liz just ignored it. Red suspected she was hiding something and this night, he would just ask her again.

They were in bed, it was completely silent in the room, they lay with their backs to each other. Red turned around after a while to move closer to her, but that only caused her to move closer to the edge of the bed again.

"Lizzie-"

"Don't."

"I have been patient with you for a week, I think it's time for you to tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing."

"Please."

"No."

Red sighed and sneaked his hand up her shoulder carefully. She pulled the blanket closer, like always in the past week.

"Lizzie, come on. I'm begging you, just say it."

"I SAID IT'S NOTHING!" she screamed into the silence.

Red felt anger boil up inside of him. He wouldn't let this continue, tomorrow he would drag her into an interrogation room and force her to talk to him. However, he tried to be patient with her now.

"Goodnight then."

xxxxx

Red slammed the door behind them and dragged her into the room.

"Lizzie, I can't do this anymore. You will not get out of here before you've told me what's wrong with you!"

"I already told you a hundred times that nothing's wrong! And let go off my wrist, damn it!"

"Then you have lied to me a hundred times."

"No!"

"See? Again." Red pressed one hand against the door so that she couldn't escape. He would get this out of her. Today.

"But you do realize that we're in an interrogation room and that there's a glass wall behind us and someone could be listening, don't you?" she snapped.

"I don't care!" he yelled and slammed his hand against the wall. "Tell me!"

She shook her head. "No, there's nothing to say."

He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes, she broke free and took several steps back.

"Don't touch me!" she spat at him.

"Why?"

No answer. Red crossed his arms over his chest, trying to calm himself down. He didn't want to yell at her anymore.

"Lizzie. You're rejecting me. You don't let me make love to you anymore, you don't let me kiss you and you don't let me touch you at all. Sweetheart, I'm worried about you. So, what's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing." Red asked completely calm, but there was a dangerous glare in his eyes that made Liz shiver.

Liz shook her head and looked to the floor, blinking back a few tears.

"Are you on your period?"

"Uh, no."

"You can talk to me, you know?"

"It's not that."

"Are you pregnant?"

"What?! No!"

"Are you sure, Lizzie?"

"Yes."

"Then why the hell have you been crying all night again?" Red asked impatiently, walking backwards and forwards in the room, never breaking eye contact with her.

"I haven't-"

"NO! I heard you! And I'm sick of your lies!"

Something inside of Liz broke, she had to tell him the truth.

"I can't tell you."

"God, sweetheart. You can tell me everything. You know that, right?"

"Not this." she whispered to the floor.

"Oh, I will make you talk."

"Oh yeah? I don't let you touch me! How are you gonna make me talk then?!" she grinned coldly at him.

"With the one ability you don't have."

"And what is that?"

"Patience."

She laughed humorlessly and stared at the floor.

"And look at me when I talk to you."

She raised her head slowly, but kept her eyes closed for a moment.

"Could we please not talk about this here? Please, Ray." she begged. She had returned to that awful habit of stroking over her scar when she felt uneasy. Red grabbed her wrists and rubbed over the scar with his thumb. Not to his surprise, she backed away from him.

"Leave me alone." she said quietly.

"No, Lizzie. Not this time. You know what? You go home, sleep a little and when I come home, we talk. Understood?"

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"I know. But I'm doing it anyway."

"What am I gonna tell Cooper?"

"Don't worry, I'll find an excuse."

"But I need to work. It keeps my mind off...this."

"Lizzie, go home and sleep. You need it, please, just do what I say."

"Why do I always have to do what you say? I'm an adult, I can do what I want. And right now, I want to work."

"That's not the point." Red replied firmly, almost loosing his temper.

"It is."

"Elizabeth, I don't want to say it again. Off you go." he ordered impatiently.

xxxxx

Liz went out without a second glance back at him. He was right, she should go home. Oh God, he would be so mad at her when she told him what she had done...

She dressed in his dark blue Navy t-shirt and went to bed, crying herself to sleep as always in the past week. She didn't know how he would react and actually, she didn't want to know. He couldn't throw her out, she had nowhere to go. He wouldn't do that, anyway. He loved her, no matter what she did. At least that was what she hoped. After her doctor's appointment last Monday morning, she thought she should just forever keep the secret to herself and never tell anybody about it, not even him. She felt guilty about it, so damn guilty.

Liz was sleeping deeply when Red lay down. He kicked his shoes off and hugged her from behind, still in his suit but with a few undone buttons of his shirt and a loosened tie. She woke up from a soft kiss on her left cheek. She wanted to fight him, but he hugged her tighter so that she couldn't struggle.

"Shh, it's alright. Don't fight me, just start talking when you feel ready." Red kissed the back of her head and buried his nose in her hair. He pulled another blanket over them and held her tightly, calming her down with his breathing. She sobbed quietly into the pillow and relaxed slowly. Several minutes later, she sighed.

"Don't be angry, ok?"

"I won't."

"So...um, last Monday I went to a doctor."

"And?" Red panicked, he didn't want his Lizzie to get sick.

"I just can't say it."

"Of course you can. I won't be mad at you." Red wasn't so sure about that, but nevertheless, he said it.

"No..."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both."

His thumb caressed her cheek, lying under the blanket in a suit was a little too warm, but Red didn't move. He had the bad feeling that Liz had done something horrible.

A few minutes later, she spoke again, very quietly. It was already dark outside but both of them had their eyes wide open.

"I had an abortion." she whispered into the darkness.

"You did what?" Red couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"I aborted my child."

"Our child? My child?"

"Yes, of course it was yours. Why do you even doubt that?"

"I am sorry."

"I...did it...well, last Monday. You were in California for business all day."

He had stopped caressing her cheek, instead, his hand lay on her shoulder, it was too tight, she couldn't move, but she didn't say anything. She felt his anger and disappointment by the way he held her. He didn't want to hurt or yell at her, although he felt like he should. He didn't know what to do.

"Ray, I'm so, so sorry. But I thought..." she trailed off.

"You could at least have told me that you were pregnant, Lizzie. To be honest...what would we have done with a baby, anyway? Everyone would have known that I'm the father and then we would have gone to prison."

"How would they know?"

"They already suspect it. But I'm a criminal, I'm almost twenty years older than you, our...lifestyle doesn't allow a family. We don't have time, even if you wanted a child." Liz didn't respond, she continued crying into the pillow and nodded.

"Lizzie, I know it sounds cold. But if we had a different life, I would be-"

"Mad, angry, disappointed?" she cut him off.

"Yes." he replied after a long while.

"What would you have told me to do if you knew I was pregnant?"

"Maybe I would have told you to do what you did."

Liz sighed. "I knew you'd say that. Don't you wonder why the people who follow me on your orders didn't report to you where I was going that day?"

"That thought crossed my mind, yes."

"I took a walk through the city and made many detours until I reached the doctor through the back door in a small, shady alley."

"That's my girl. Even professional pursuers lose your trail. Quite the criminal, sweetheart."

"You don't have to make jokes to cheer me up." she half laughed, half cried.

"Yes. What I want you to know is that if we had a normal life, I would be disappointed of you. And right now, I still can't see why you haven't told me you were pregnant."

"I don't know. When you asked me this morning, I almost told you that I was, but somehow, it wasn't the right moment."

"You would have never told me if I wouldn't force you, right?"

"Hmhm.."

Red kissed her shoulder and stroked her hair, she didn't resist.

"You mind telling me why you haven't let me touch you all week?"

"I felt...feel guilty. Like I don't deserve you, like what I did is too terrible for deserving your forgiveness. When I came from the doctor, everything seemed normal to me. Then I went to bed alone because I knew you would be late. I thought about you and then suddenly, I realized what a terrible thing I had done with murdering our child." she sobbed uncontrollably.

"Lizzie, calm down. You didn't murder our child. It was too early. Did they already know if it was a boy or a girl?"

"It...it was a...boy."

"I always wanted a son." Red said to himself.

"See? And I killed him! I couldn't touch you without thinking of the life I ended!"

"Don't keep yourself telling that. You didn't kill him."

"I'm so sorry, Ray."

"Shh, don't apologize. I am the one who thinks I don't deserve you. And you don't have to be sorry for what you did."

"Don't keep your anger to yourself. I can feel you're still angry."

"I am, but that doesn't matter. It wasn't my decision, I mean...you could have asked me, but I wouldn't have told you anything different. Now I'm going to get out of this suit and then we sleep, alright?"

"Mh..."

"Good, and don't cry yourself to sleep. You're going to be ok. I love you unconditionally, I want you to know that."

Later, he turned her on her other side and kissed the tears from her cheeks affectionately. She gave him her first genuine smile that day and kissed him back. Liz fell asleep with her head on his chest and his hand buried in her hair.

**xxxxx**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own The Blacklist and I don't make money with fanfiction.**

**I wanted this to be a oneshot but I felt like it needed a second chapter to show Red's feelings about what Liz has done.**

**Please read and review!**

**xxxxx crisis ch. 2:**

It was Sunday morning and when Liz woke up, she hoped Red wasn't angry at her anymore for the abortion of her child last week. It had been hard for her to tell him everything she had done and she didn't really know why he reacted so calm yesterday night, it wasn't like him to be so flippant about something like this. She had expected him to yell at her or at least to lose his temper for once, but no, he had stayed calm and told her he loved her unconditionally.

Liz was sure that Red loved her without exceptions, but she also knew that he could be dangerous when he lost control. He had never done this I front of her, but she could imagine how a furious Red could be like. He had told her he was in fact angry but it wouldn't matter, so today, she hoped everything would be alright again.

When she woke up, he wasn't there. His side of the bed was cold, as if he hadn't slept there at all. She remembered him kissing her last night, holding her tight until she was asleep and telling her that she's going to be ok. She got up and went downstairs into the kitchen, hoping she would find him there and could talk to him. She wore Red's dark blue Navy t-shirt, which was way too big for her, but she liked to wear it because it smelled like him. He was sitting at the table, drinking tea and reading the newspaper.

"Good morning." she said.

No reaction. It seemed like he would do the same to her that she had done last week; not talking, being cold and distant. He didn't even look up from the newspaper.

"Red, please, look at me. I'm sorry. I know I should have told you, should have asked you what you wanted me to do. But...I was so scared. And I felt guilty and...God, please just talk to me."

Red acted like he hadn't heard her, turned the page and sipped his tea.

Ten minutes later, nothing had changed, Liz kept apologizing and begging him to talk or look at her and Red was almost done with the newspaper.

"Red, come on, I'm sorry! Would you please just say something?" she almost cried. It was hard to stay calm, on the one hand, she was trying everything to make him answer her, and on the other, she was quite happy that he hadn't exploded yet.

He sipped his tea. Liz's patience was running thin, she wanted a reaction, any reaction, so she knocked the teacup out of his hands and threw it on the floor. Then she stared at him without saying anything. Red looked up, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. His hands clenched to fists and he glared at her, but trying to calm himself down by breathing slowly in and out.

She couldn't hold his intense gaze and looked aside. Red stood up and walked towards her, she took a step back whenever he took one towards her, until she stood with her back against the wall.

This time, it didn't feel good to be so close to him, they didn't touch, he once again had forced her to go into whatever direction he wanted with his body. His arms were next to her head and his palms rested on the wall. She saw his muscles because of the thin, white shirt he was wearing and she didn't dare to fight. He could easily bring his strong arms to her wrists and press her against the wall. Although she was a trained FBI agent and a good fighter, she knew he was stronger, no matter what she did to struggle against him. It felt weird to be so vulnerable and helpless without wanting it. She felt the urge to stroke her scar, but didn't do it because Red would notice it. She could tell he was insanely angry but could control himself pretty good. However, he was able to scare her with only his body language.

There was a strand of hair hanging in front of her left eye, but neither of them made an attempt to put it behind her ear, Liz felt like if she would move or say anything, he would lose his temper, so she just breathed heavily, trying to hold his gaze. After a while, Red put the strand of hair behind her ear slowly. She had expected him to do this carelessly, but it was more tender than she could have imagined. She wanted to go, but his arms seemed like a cage around her from which she couldn't escape. When his one hand touched her hair, she moved slightly to the side so that she wasn't right in front of him anymore, but as soon as he was done with her hair, he put two fingers under her chin, tilted her head back and then cupped her jaw. She moved back and he brought his hand back to the wall. The urge to stroke her scar grew from minute to minute and when she couldn't resist anymore, she slowly brought her hand to the other wrist as slowly as possible and stroked it, praying that Red hadn't seen it, because they were still staring at each other. Faster than she thought he had her wrists pinned uncomfortably against the cold wall, it hurt. He could do her a favor and rub his thumb over the scar for her, but of course he didn't. He just held her wrists tight, it was like an itch you can't reach although you want nothing more than scratch yourself there. Liz had never felt so uncomfortable.

"Red, we can talk about it, but please, just let me go!" she begged, still not crying, she was proud of herself for not being too weak.

He pressed his body against hers so that her back was rubbing against the cold wall. Actually, it wasn't cold anymore, she was sweating and her back was completely wet, although she was only wearing panties and his t-shirt. She wanted to break free, but he put his whole weight on her so that she was unable to move at all.

"You want me to talk to you? To listen to you? To look at you? To forgive you?"

Liz nodded. "Hmhm."

"I begged you to tell me what's going on for a week, a whole, damn week, Elisabeth."

_Oh no, everytime he calls me Elisabeth, it feels like a slap. And my fucking scar is itching all the time, damn it, I want to get out of here!_

"Last night you told me you would only be angry if we would lead a different life." she said quietly, not looking at him.

"Last night you needed someone to comfort you, to hold you and to calm you down. Right now you need someone to tell you off and to let you know that if you ever again make a decision like this without asking me first you will regret it." Red said in his most dangerous low voice.

"Oh yeah? Why regret it? What would you do?" Liz told herself not to be afraid, but failed.

"Don't push me. And don't you dare to cry now, you can't make me forgive you by playing the weak, scared Lizzie who's oh so sorry and expects forgiveness so soon."

But Liz was crying, she was whimpering because of the pain in her back and her arms, because of the itching scar, because he had never been so cold to her and because she was in fact seriously sorry. One last time, she tried to break free and put her weight against him and his hands on her wrists, without success.

"Doesn't feel so good to be at my mercy when you don't want it, does it?" he asked coldly.

She didn't react, just stared at his green eyes.

"Elisabeth, I asked you a question."

"No, it doesn't" she replied as quiet as possible.

"What was that, Elisabeth?"

_God...could you please stop calling me that? _"No, it doesn't feel good. Let me go!" she answered louder.

Red chuckled coldly, it was almost scary. He pressed his lips to her ear, so that her cheek was pushed against the wall. "No? It doesn't? You don't like to be pressed against the wall by me when you're only wearing a t-shirt and panties? I always thought you liked this dangerous, violent side of me. I do remember you begging me to restrain you and be at my mercy without a chance to fight. I know what you like, Elisabeth. You like this humiliation, this danger and this feeling of being helpless. So why are you struggling against my grip now? ...Ohhh, now I get it. Because I'm not kissing you. Well, you rejected me one week without telling me why. I bet what I'm doing to you right now seems far worse to you, doesn't it?"

"Yes..." she breathed quickly, fighting against the ache between her legs and the unbearable itch on her scar. She knew what he was doing and she was trying everything to keep her body from reacting.

"Good girl. Now where was I? Ah, I remember. What I said last night about loving you unconditionally is true. I love you, no matter what you do. But I still am disappointed that you didn't tell me that you were pregnant. What you did after that was the right decision. I am not saying it was good, because it definitely wasn't, but in our situation and in the life we lead, it was the only reasonable decision."

"So why are you doing this to me? You could have told me that without hurting my back and scaring the hell out of me. And my scar..."

"Yes? What about your scar?"

_Oh no, I shouldn't have said anything...when I tell him that I can't bear the itch he will only make it worse. _"Uhh, nothing about it, it's fine, Red."

"You're such a bad liar, Elisabeth. It's itching, isn't it? I can tell by the way you try to wiggle it in my hand to scratch it at the wall. And now you want me to do something about it, don't you?"

Liz, blushed, closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, but nodded. Of course, Red only made it worse, just like she had thought. He stroked it lightly with his thumb and then tickled her palm with his index finger, so that she clenched her hand around his finger. After a while, she unclenched her fist and he stroked it again. When she closed her hand again, he grinned at her.

"Oh, what's that? A weakness?"

She nodded, desperately trying to bear his soft touch on her scar.

"Well, I can use that against you on a later occasion. For now, I want you to know that if there might ever be an important situation for both of us, you have to tell me about it. I will not accept any exceptions, did I make myself clear, Elisabeth?" he whispered in her ear.

It drove her mad that he didn't call her Lizzie anymore. She used to hate it in the beginning, when they got to know each other, but by now, she hated it when he called her Elisabeth.

"Yes, you did."

"Well then, one last question, Elisabeth."

He was pissing he off intentionally, he knew that she hated it.

"Will you stop calling me that?!" Liz almost screamed.

"Stop calling you what?" Red grinned at her, sensing her impatience.

"You know what I mean."

"Do I? Tell me."

"Elisabeth." she hissed.

"You want me to call you Lizzie again?"

"Yes!"

"Yes, please." he corrected.

"Yes, please!" _Oh, this damn jackass is driving me insane..._

"Good girl. But no. Not in the next few days, _Elisabeth_. So, back to my last question. What the hell were you thinking not to tell me about your pregnancy?" he growled.

She sighed, refusing to answer and looking aside again. Red took both her wrists in one hand and held them tightly above hr head.

"Answer me, Elisabeth."

She whimpered, shaking her head.

"I said answer me." Red ordered and forced her to look at him again. She felt exposed with his fingers under her chin, but there was no way out, he didn't let her escape.

"I...I didn't tell you because I thought you were angry with me that I forgot my pill one time. I swear, Red, it was one time! And...when I found out about it, I was shocked, desperate and felt guilty. I wanted to keep the child at first, but then I thought about our...um, well, lifestyle, you know?"

He raised an arrogant eyebrow at her.

"Well, a relationship between a criminal and a cop is wrong, just wrong and we both know that. So if we had a child we would, as you said last night, have gone to prison! What would have happened to the child? We can't be parents. You and me...we have to stay together because I love you so, so much. But we can't raise a child." Liz sobbed.

"You're right."

"Wh...what?"

"I said you are right. That's exactly what I thought."

"So why did you drag it out of me?"

"Because I just love to drag things out of you...and I admit I was angry at you. You deserved to be treated like this."

Liz sighed, she was still being pressed against the wall and hadn't calmed down at all. He was unbelievable...

"Um, well, are we done now? As I said, I'm sorry."

"Was that so hard?"

"Yes..."

"Good, Elisabeth. I hope you remember this...incident...when you decide to behave like this again."

She nodded.

"Anyway, I have to go now." Red let go of her, grabbed his vest, coat, hat and of course his gun, which was casually lying on the table as always and went to the door. He looked back at her one time, licked over his lips and closed the door. Liz was taken aback, he couldn't do that to her...well, he would be back in a few days.

xxxxx Five days later:

Liz lay in bed, waiting for Red and Dembe to come back. They had called yesterday and told her that they were in Europe but would return the next day.

Half an hour later, Liz heard the door open and Red came in.

"Lizzie."

_Oh, thank God..._

"Yes, Red? I'm so glad you're back. Still angry?"

"No, Lizzie, I'm not, really. And now get up and let me seduce you."

**xxxxx**

**The end!**

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review and tell me what you think!**


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